it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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