I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
