why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
