So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
