He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
