I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
