Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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