i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
