I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
