HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
