so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
