I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
