Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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