why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
