sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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