When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
