i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
