I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
