I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
