I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You need a sexual gate keeper
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
