I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
