i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
