Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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