i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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