I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
accomplished twins. life is a go
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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