shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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