Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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