the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
