i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
