He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
