Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
