While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
