I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
