two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Please don't give away my fajitas
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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