they need to just BURY HIM!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
