Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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