The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
