I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
