It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
