I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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