I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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