so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
