Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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