my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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