just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
