last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
