Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
