The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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