Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
