what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Michael Bay diarrhea
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
