Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
