I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
